Recent Stories

Taking A Break
2015
JUN
22

Taking A Break

Filed Under : Updates  |  Est. Reading Time : Less than a minute
I have to take a little break from this insane project for a little bit. Probably only a week. I'm slammed with a lot of work, comedy, and I need a little more social life in me. I've managed to pump out 112 of these bitches nonstop thus far, but it's getting tough to either write enough to pad out a few days in advance or make the time every ...
The Day My Dad Became Human
2015
JUN
21

The Day My Dad Became Human

Filed Under : Happy Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 8 minutes
I'll never forget the night of January 2nd, 2000. I was living in Seattle, holed up in my shitty attic room, while rain smacked against the small, rickety old window in my room. I was feeling lonely, and depressed. My father called me to check in on my New Year, and see how things were going with me in Seattle. Since around the time I first moved out on my ...
I Was on The Bad Girls Club (Part 2)
2015
JUN
20

I Was on The Bad Girls Club (Part 2)

Filed Under : Celebrity Stories, Dating Stories, Serial Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 7 minutes
(if you missed Part 1, you're gonna be confused) What I try to tell people who don't know what the Bad Girls Club is about is this : imagine if you could borrow Paris Hilton's undeserved fame, her inherited money, and her self-aggrandizing behavior and could temporarily bestow that equally to 7 angry, attention-starved socialite 20-something girls, and then you threw them into a rent-free mansion, supplied them more alcohol ...
I Was on The Bad Girls Club (Part 1)
2015
JUN
19

I Was on The Bad Girls Club (Part 1)

Filed Under : Celebrity Stories, Dating Stories, Serial Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 8 minutes
Yes, it's true. I was on the Bad Girls Club, Season 3. That's the one with "the Ambers", and Ailea. Technically, I'm not sure I'm allowed to talk about any of this, but the producers said that only applied for about 6 months after the episode aired. Seeing as it's been almost 7 years since it aired, I think I'm okay. Here's the inside scoop on how it happened, what went down, and ...
Accidental Cocaine
2015
JUN
18

Accidental Cocaine

Filed Under : Drug Stories, Funny Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
I haven't done a lot of drugs in my life. Or, maybe I've done a sizable amount, but not a lot of different types of drugs. Here's a short list of every drug I've done (recreationally, I'm not gonna count painkillers I've taken as part of dental surgery and shit) : cigarettes marijuana alcohol LSD shrooms ecstacy ketamine paxil See? A pretty short list, all things considered. Now, sure, some of those entries number in the 100s of uses each ...
Kids Sellin’ Guns
2015
JUN
17

Kids Sellin’ Guns

Filed Under : Scary Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 9 minutes
This is actually two three fucked-up stories all at once. Cause, fuck it, why only tell you a single two-minute story? For this tale, it helps (but isn't mandatory) if you've read An Origin Story, of sort (Part 3). In 6th grade, I moved with my mom and sister out of the house we once shared with my dad into a nice 3-bedroom apartment in still-developing area of Paradise ...
Brush Your Fucking Teeth, Kids
2015
JUN
16

Brush Your Fucking Teeth, Kids

Filed Under : Happy Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 7 minutes
I cannot stress enough, in my advanced age, the importance of brushing your teeth. You can floss, too, if you'd like. And carry mouthwash in your car, as I've been doing for years. But, nothing does as much preventative care as simply brushing your teeth at least once a day. If you're paranoid, do it before you go to bed and then again when you wake up. If I had kids, ...
Two Catfishing Stories
2015
JUN
14

Two Catfishing Stories

Filed Under : Weird Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 8 minutes
Story 1 I've been online dating since online dating began. Well, probably not literally, but... long enough. 16 years or so. Throughout that time, I've met a lot of cool people, had many crazy stories, and made a lot of new friends and lovers over the years. I'm still doing it, now that there's a wealth of options like OKCupid, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, FetLife, and more. In all these years, I've ...
How I Got Started in Porn
2015
JUN
13

How I Got Started in Porn

Filed Under : General Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 6 minutes
In case you don't know, and before you get all excited (or grossed-out), I don't mean that I'm in porn -- I've worked (and continue to work) in the porn industry. I'm a porn web designer. I've designed 1000s of websites in my life, and 100s of them have been porn. I've worked for niche fetish companies. I've worked for Vivid (where I got to design Vivid.com back in '05). I've been ...
Slappy Joe Meets Boobs Girl
2015
JUN
12

Slappy Joe Meets Boobs Girl

Filed Under : The LSD Chronicles  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
It was another crazy night at Kevin's place. Cheyenne and I split the cost of a full sheet of LSD, so I was big pimpin' as the provider of the fry. It was a nice feeling to not have to worry about actually procuring acid any time I wanted it, and it was really good acid. It was called "Mad Hatter", and the blotter art was comprised of miniature ...