Recent Stories

With Apologies to Matthew McGrory’s Family
2015
MAY
22

With Apologies to Matthew McGrory’s Family

Filed Under : Sad Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 9 minutes
As I mentioned in the origin story of Aural Salvation, Crazy J pulled a particularly shithead (bordering on inhuman) move on a grieving family of a semi-famous actor. That family is the one belonging to Matthew McGrory. The name might not sound familiar, but I guarantee you've seen some of his work. As far as I know, I was the last person to interview him before he died ...
The Inception of Aural Salvation
2015
MAY
21

The Inception of Aural Salvation

Filed Under : General Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 8 minutes
There are some stories that, if I broke them up into serial stories, would end up being 20+ parts long. That's just silly. So, I'm doing some stories as sub-sets of other stories. This is one such story. Some people who read this blog, and who have patiently (and sometimes inexplicably) followed my "career" for many years, may remember a little internet-based TV show I used to write/host called Aural ...
How I Became The Porn Dealer (Part 2)
2015
MAY
20

How I Became The Porn Dealer (Part 2)

Filed Under : Childhood Stories, Serial Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 8 minutes
(if you missed Part 1, you're gonna be confused) The conditions of my suspension were that I would be held accountable for all missed schoolwork, which I was to turn in upon my return to school. To facilitate this, my mom would swing by the school every few days and pick up assignments from my teachers. Because my mom was busy running classes of her own, there was no ...
How I Became The Porn Dealer (Part 1)
2015
MAY
19

How I Became The Porn Dealer (Part 1)

Filed Under : Childhood Stories, Serial Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 7 minutes
I realize that, reading through some of these stories of my younger self, it might come off like I've been trying absolve myself of guilt and that I just conveniently "didn't know any better" when it came to the ability to fly, or nazi history, or semi-adult stories spit out from a vending machine, or things like that. I promise I'm just that dumb. Or, at best, ...
The Legend of Denny’s, Ireland, and Scotland
2015
MAY
18

The Legend of Denny’s, Ireland, and Scotland

Filed Under : General Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 7 minutes
In my Sophomore year of high school, I was the first amongst my close group of friends to get a driver's license, and -- more importantly -- the first whose mom would actually lend out the car to them. Early on, I'd just pick up Nad and a few other friends, and we'd drive around throughout the early evening Phoenix streets with no particular place to go. Just ...
Jamie
2015
MAY
17

Jamie

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes
Growing up, I never recall the "girls have cooties" feeling. Even in preschool, I'd try have my "nap time" near a cute girl in the class. I'm not sure if -- in actuality -- no one thought "girls have cooties", and just pretended to think that so they weren't ridiculed. Which is what I did - fake it, keep up appearances, hide in plain sight. In 4th grade, there was this ...
Cheatin’ At the Sellin’ Game
2015
MAY
16

Cheatin’ At the Sellin’ Game

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes
When I was a kid playing little league baseball, we didn't have all the fancy things like "attention", and "genuine public interest", and certainly not daytime EPSN coverage. Even if your team made it to some kind of top-of-the-heap situation, you were just the best team that year amongst the teams and parents who gave a shit. I genuinely don't remember a single year of playing baseball where anyone ...
Dad Gets Mad Thuggish
2015
MAY
15

Dad Gets Mad Thuggish

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 7 minutes
For this story, I need you to do me a favor. Picture Tony Soprano. Not James Gandolfini. I mean Tony Soprano, the character. Remember how fucking scary he could be, and how quickly he went from casual laughing and joking around to (sometimes literal) murderous rampage on people? ...
Fry Fest ’98 (Part 2)
2015
MAY
14

Fry Fest ’98 (Part 2)

Filed Under : Serial Stories, The LSD Chronicles  |  Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes
(if you missed Part 1, you're gonna be confused) I was so relaxed and filled with euphoria and a sense of purpose in the world when the loud bang echoed through the air. It almost felt like it shook the apartment, like a tiny little earthquake. I immediately jumped up, ran out to the living room and saw... very few people in there. Maybe 10, in total. I said "where ...
Fry Fest ’98 (Part 1)
2015
MAY
13

Fry Fest ’98 (Part 1)

Filed Under : Serial Stories, The LSD Chronicles  |  Est. Reading Time : 8 minutes
A funny thing can happen when you're on LSD. You're on it for so many hours that it starts to just feel "normal". Like, you kinda think "man, I've crossed over -- this is my life now. This is how my brain works now". It's not a scary feeling -- unless you're a paranoid person, I suppose -- it's more of a euphoric feeling. You've got tingles all over ...