In my Origin Story, of Sorts, I said I started smoking around age 13 and kept on going for 20 years. That's almost exactly right. I finally quit in 2011. But, that wasn't my first attempt to quit the white-sticked devil. No, like almost every single smoker before me, there were many half-attempts, false-starts, and relapses. My first time quitting was right around Freshman year of high school. The summer ...

I'm not going to pretend I'm a party animal, but I do love a good party and I've been to a lot of them in my time. It surprises me that, despite some of the craziest shit I've seen at parties, and the sheer number of private (and public, I guess) events that I've been to in my life that could reasonably be called a party, only two that I can ...

I've long thought that anti-drug speeches, "abstinence-only" sex education, and all such "keep teenagers from doing teenager things" education is way too constrained and inside-the-box. They need to shift paradigms if they're really interested in getting teens onto the path of the straight and narrow. Instead of telling kids to abstain from sex -- send a 15-year-old kid on a date with a washed-up streetwalker at the end of her shift. ...

I haven't done a lot of drugs in my life. Or, maybe I've done a sizable amount, but not a lot of different types of drugs. Here's a short list of every drug I've done (recreationally, I'm not gonna count painkillers I've taken as part of dental surgery and shit) : cigarettes marijuana alcohol LSD shrooms ecstacy ketamine paxil See? A pretty short list, all things considered. Now, sure, some of those entries number in the 100s of uses each ...

I wish I could remember how I met Shaun. He was a year ahead of me in school, entering his first year of high school before I entered the 8th grade. I remember we only hung out after school - even when we both went to the same high school, I almost never saw him. He was big into acting and singing and drama class, and I - being ...

(if you missed Part 1 or Part 2, you're gonna be confused) On the drive back from picking up Kevin, it was difficult to get answers. He was still a little bit fucked up, even after the "buzz kill" of watching friends get arrested in his ride home, and realizing they collectively lost $6500 worth of ...

(if you missed Part 1, you're gonna be confused) So I sent Janice off with Kevin, into the wild of late-night raves in the middle of the desert between Phoenix and Tucson. They were carrying roughly $6500 worth of product with them, plus they each had a pager. What could possibly go wrong? Turns out : pretty much everything. There was this guy Brandon. Complete ...

It's important, in life, to have a few Scumbag Friends . People you can go to when you have a terrible idea that's also illegal, who can guide you along the way, and don't pass judgment. I had quite a few Scumbag Friends in Phoenix, especially towards the end of my time there, but none so insane as Joey. This is a kid who once vowed to spend an entire week ...

When I was in high school, I lived with my mother, her husband, and his daughter Brittany. Fuck using a pseudonym cause this is the only person in the world whose death I actively hope for. She was the worst human I've ever personally known, and I almost wish there was a hell just to know she'll be going there. Brittany was is a complete trainwreck of a person. The day ...