Filthy Stories Archives

2015

JUL

My Last Girlfriend (Part 2) NSFW

(if you missed Part 1, you might be lost) We were immediately close, in a way that doesn't make a lot of sense to me these days. I'm not saying it was a bad thing, at all. Just weird to think back to that time, and remember how I felt, and how foreign that seems to me today. I probably prevent myself from feeling that way, but I also think it comes down ...

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2015

JUN

Triple Sex on Triple Six NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories | Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes

I'll never forget 6/6/6 -- June 6, 2006. Not only is that one of my favorite numbers, but I feel like I rang that shit in properly. I was still doing my show Aural Salvation, I was at a fetish club called HEX, and I was hanging out with a group of circus-act freaks (who were also semi-regular guests of my show) that were doing their brand of ...

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A Weird Impromptu Date and An Unsolved Mystery

2015

JUN

A Weird Impromptu Date and An Unsolved Mystery NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories, Weird Stories | Est. Reading Time : 9 minutes

It was the night before MLK day, 2005. I remember that, not because I've got such an enriched soul that I track memorial days of fallen human rights activists, but because I didn't have to work the next day - a Monday. I was in Long Beach, visiting some friends of mine (probably having a barbecue party or something). Around 9pm, that shindig was winding down, so I decided ...

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2015

MAY

Teenagers Swappin’ Oral NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories | Est. Reading Time : 7 minutes

I've mentioned before the girl -- Amy -- that I dated for about 2 weeks early in my Sophomore year of high school that checked off a lot of "firsts" for me. This is a story about two more "firsts" with her : my first blowjob, and the first time I went down on a woman. At the time, I lived across the street from the middle school where my ...

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2015

MAY

Shakin’ Hands With Beef NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories | Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes

I don't know what you ladies said to each other in your younger years as light-natured ribbing. Hell, I'm not even sure if ladies do light-natured ribbing. But for us fellas, the list of jokes when you're young and poking fun at each other is pretty short : you masturbate too much you can't "get" a woman (see #1) your dick is tiny you don't last long in bed you're gay (much more common pre-2000 compared to today) It ...

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2015

MAY

My First Handjob NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories | Est. Reading Time : 6 minutes

I was in my Sophomore year Drama class. I overheard the hot, busty blonde girl behind me talking to the girl sitting next to her : "...I mean, I was kinda drunk, so I don't remember but apparently I sucked his dick...". My ears perked up. I turned my head slightly, making it known I heard her. She said "oh my god... did you hear that?". I assured her she needn't be ...

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The Craziest Woman I Ever Dated (Part 5)

2015

MAY

The Craziest Woman I Ever Dated (Part 5) NSFW

Filed Under : Dating Stories, Filthy Stories, Serial Stories | Est. Reading Time : 9 minutes

(if you missed Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and/or Part 4, you're gonna be confused) Alan didn't care for my insinuation that he was pretending to be her friend only to swoop in on her during a moment of weakness. He said "despite how offended I am by that, I'm gonna do you a solid here, cause it sounds like she told you a lot ...

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2015

APR

A Thing I Can’t Un-See NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories, Funny Stories | Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes

In my Junior year of high school, I dated a girl named Summer for a few months. This was before I'd had sex, and -- odd though it may seem now -- I was in no rush to change that. I really liked foreplay-style sex. Oral, fingers, handjobs, licking, biting, even dry-humping. I still love all of that, sometimes even more than sex itself (depending on the partner). Summer and ...

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2015

APR

Reptilian Testicle Syndrome NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories, Funny Stories | Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes

I've been pretty vocal across various performance outlets (internet TV shows, podcasts, stand-up comedy performances, other blog entries, tweets) about my pubic grooming habits. Some might even say that I'm an advocate for pubic grooming, since I've discussed it at quite some length, and I regularly recommend it to my male and female (though mostly male) friends alike. Though I used to shave my arms and legs in high school to ...

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I love my dick so much, I bought it jewelry

2015

APR

I love my dick so much, I bought it jewelry NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories | Est. Reading Time : 6 minutes

Having already told you about my first real body piercing, I figure it's time to discuss my personal favorite body piercing. Don't worry, there are no photos of my dick in this post. It was December, 1998. I'd been hanging out with this guy Kevin, who was a mutual friend of Cheyenne, and who worked at an AM/PM convenience store on the night shift . Now, this was a ...

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