Story Archives

All stories (and updates) written since March 1, 2015.

The Craziest Woman I Ever Dated (Part 1)
2015
MAY
3

The Craziest Woman I Ever Dated (Part 1)

Filed Under : Dating Stories, Serial Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 6 minutes
From the outset I want it made clear that I don't just run around calling every woman crazy, but full disclosure : I'll jokingly use the term lightly for people I've known and I don't mean it literally in most cases. In this case, however, I mean it in the sense that I don't understand her motives, behaviors, and actions when looking at them as a sane person. I'm not ...
Sit on My Comfy Sofa
2015
MAY
2

Sit on My Comfy Sofa

Filed Under : The LSD Chronicles  |  Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes
During the time I lived in my first apartment, after Tammy had moved out, I invited my close friend and band member Trevor to live with me. Jennifer was ecstatic to get her own room for a change. This came about when Jennifer went to stay at Trevor's place while he was housesitting, and then Tammy's boyfriend - John - was unable to pay the rent one evening and ...
A Series of Awkward Boners
2015
MAY
1

A Series of Awkward Boners

Filed Under : Funny Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 6 minutes
As a man, as some of you might know, your dick and your brain only seem to work together when The Dick wants it. But, if The Dick wants to just get hard for no fucking reason whatsoever, well... goddamnit, The Dick's gonna do what it's gonna do and your brain's gonna have to try and run a slideshow of naked grandmothers in your head and hope for the best. Usually, The ...
61 Down, 304 to Go!
2015
APR
30

61 Down, 304 to Go!

Filed Under : Updates  |  Est. Reading Time : 3 minutes
I'm checking in again to do my semi-monthly update. I'm still overwhelmed by the amount of people who read this shit, and by friends of mine who come up to me to say "hey, I read (insert story here) the other day. That shit was (insert descriptive phrase here)!". According to my Google Analytics, the average user spends almost 5 minutes per visit on my site, and less than 10% of users ...
My First Cool Kids and Weed Party
2015
APR
30

My First Cool Kids and Weed Party

Filed Under : Drug Stories, Funny Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 6 minutes
I wish I could remember how I met Shaun. He was a year ahead of me in school, entering his first year of high school before I entered the 8th grade. I remember we only hung out after school - even when we both went to the same high school, I almost never saw him. He was big into acting and singing and drama class, and I - being ...
The Scariest Night of My Life
2015
APR
29

The Scariest Night of My Life

Filed Under : Sad Stories, Scary Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 7 minutes
As I've mentioned before, my parents divorced around Christmas of my 4th grade year. A few months later, in mid-February, my dad invited my sister and I out to his new place in New Orleans to see and be a part of Mardi Gras. It seems odd to me now that we were able/allowed to get the time off school, and that my mom agreed it was a good idea, ...
A Thing I Can’t Un-See
2015
APR
28

A Thing I Can’t Un-See NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories, Funny Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes
In my Junior year of high school, I dated a girl named Summer for a few months. This was before I'd had sex, and -- odd though it may seem now -- I was in no rush to change that. I really liked foreplay-style sex. Oral, fingers, handjobs, licking, biting, even dry-humping. I still love all of that, sometimes even more than sex itself (depending on the partner). Summer and ...
Teletubbies Are Trippy As Hell
2015
APR
27

Teletubbies Are Trippy As Hell

Filed Under : The LSD Chronicles  |  Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes
I recently visited Phoenix for my nephew's 4th birthday. While there, my sister told me she's been reading these stories. While I'm flattered and our mom would be so proud we get along as well as we do, I don't think she's gonna love this story. So, Meredith : I apologize for all of that which I'm about to describe. In late 1997, just before I turned 19, just after ...
The Wrong Way to Get a Girl’s Affection
2015
APR
26

The Wrong Way to Get a Girl’s Affection

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
One of my closest friends in 3rd grade became my hero for many years. I looked up to him, and he was the shining example of how to be a cool person. Even when we did nerdy things, like programming videogames, or playing D&D (he was also our Dungeon Master), he was cool and genuine and just a kind-hearted badass. I'll refer to him as Keith for these stories, ...
Reptilian Testicle Syndrome
2015
APR
25

Reptilian Testicle Syndrome NSFW

Filed Under : Filthy Stories, Funny Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 5 minutes
I've been pretty vocal across various performance outlets (internet TV shows, podcasts, stand-up comedy performances, other blog entries, tweets) about my pubic grooming habits. Some might even say that I'm an advocate for pubic grooming, since I've discussed it at quite some length, and I regularly recommend it to my male and female (though mostly male) friends alike. Though I used to shave my arms and legs in high school to ...