Tina : The Pimp of Alt Porn

Filed under : General Stories

Story 87 of 365

Est. Reading Time 6 minutes

This is part of a series of posts about an internet-based live TV talk show I created/hosted called Aural Salvation. Reading about the origin of the show isn’t required, but it might help give you some context. It would also help to know that I built up a large, enthusiastic audience by interviewing naked alt-porn girls, and a MySpace celebrity gone actual-celebrity.

Since I already had a weekly drop-in to the show from GodsGirls, where we’d play silly trivia games with the audience watching from home — where the prizes were “okay, here’s some titties!” — I had 1/5th of my weekly shows covered, regardless of what else I had scheduled. It wasn’t too tough to find another few interviews to fill out the week, and to spare a day for just “audience interaction day”, where I’d sit and respond to any comments or questions that came at me. Eventually, I brought in Nad to be an occasional co-host, since he was good at bringing up topics we could have an entertaining conversation about, and we had so many inside jokes that he’d softball-pitch setups for me to rant on about.

One night, after a show, a girl named Tina hit me up on MySpace. She wanted to invite me to a party with “a bunch of hot, naked alt-porn girls… and I’ll introduce you to all of them”. How does a man resist a temptation like that? I was in. I showed up to a small club/bar just outside of Hollywood, and Tina was standing just inside the entrance. She introduced herself, told me she loved the show (such a flatterer) and thought I might like to see another upstart alt-porn company making its way onto the scene. The site was called RazorDolls.com, and it was considerably more hardcore than GG. They even did video content : solo (masturbation) stuff, boy-girl, girl-girl, boy-girl-girl, you name it.

Tina was a makeup artist by trade, but found a second calling when she started doing makeup for RazorDolls : a PR person. More aptly a pimp. Nay, a Madame. She was “pimping the site” the way we use that term colloquially these days, but she was more of a Madame because she was a great wing-woman, watched the girls like a Den Mother would, and stayed out of all affairs. She didn’t date anyone, she didn’t use drugs (or, if she did, it was in small amounts), rarely drank, never got shitty-drunk, and she invited people like me to parties to show off what RD had to offer.

As promised, she led me by the arm around the club. Introducing me as “Rev. Mitcz – host of the popular show Aural Salvation”. I don’t know if she primed these girls in advance, but boy were they friendly. I lost count how many titties I saw that night. Tina would just say my name and before I could reach out to shake a hand, they’d lift their shirts or shove my face in their chests, or hang around on me and kiss my cheek/neck. All the while I’m just smiling and drinking and trying to make some kind of plan with Tina for getting these girls on the show. I could tell she was pleased. She had the smile of “my work here… is done”.

Tina, like a true Den Mother, would accompany the girls to the studio. Sometimes, she even gave them a lift herself. She was present, but off-camera, preferring to stay behind the scenes and make sure everyone was having a good time. Again, I think she primed the girls — well, a few of the girls — for these interviews. They knew what to promote, what to say, and kept making “jokes” about how I’ll absolutely adore insert-model-name-here and “we should bring her with us next time…”. At this point, I made no promises about a “next time”. I merely agreed to have them on the show that one night. But, these girls sat through the show topless, occasionally making out with each other, crawling all over the furniture, inviting audience questions, and really playing it up.

After the show, I told Tina I’d like to have a RazorDolls Tuesday. She did that two-armed “yay” gesture (without saying “yay!”) and just smiled, and said “thank you. I’ll be sure to keep the girls stocked”. True to her word, RD girls came by every week, and I made friends with quite a few of them. One in particular, I almost broke my vow of celibacy for. Alas, by the time I was ready to make my move, she was in and out of other relationships. She’d check in with me from time to time, but we never managed to get our schedules lined up. Eventually, she moved to the east coast to become a mother and wife. We still talk occasionally, and we’ve made more than a few “ohh the fun we could’ve had” jokes back and forth.

The GG Mondays and RD Tuesdays were great. There was light-hearted “competition” between the two sites, but they also shared a number of models so I’d sometimes see the same girl two nights in a row on the show. For Nad’s birthday a few months later, we held a “GodsGirls vs RazorDolls Ballpit Pillow Wrestling Competition”. We filled an inflatable kiddie pool with plastic balls, gave the girls body pillows, and they Sumo-Wrestle-Style tried to knock each other out of the ring. The eventual winner would be crowned “Miss Nad 2006”. I’d show you photos, but Miss Nad now has a mainstream acting career and long ago asked me to take offline the videos/photos of her flailing around naked. She even bought her photos back from the site(s) she was on.

There was some changes at M+ in mid-2006, which led to Aural Salvation shutting down, a new studio being built, a falling-out with the owner of M+, a restructuring of management, and a few other things. A few months later, Aural Salvation returned to the new studio, but since we weren’t around during the move we never really got our own studio space — we just jumped around from one side of the warehouse to another, with makeshift set decor as we went.

By the time AS returned to the “air waves”, RD had pretty much shut its doors and most of the folks involved moved on to other ventures. Tina, however, came back with another pitch. Another party for another alt-porn site. This time, the site was called HeadsickPinups, and it was horror-porn : chicks covered in fake blood, wielding weapons, fucking each other in pools of blood, things like that. It was all very dark and sexy. Right up my alley, and Tina knew it.

As before, Tina led me around by the arm to be introduced to the girls. One, in particular, caught my eye. Let’s call her “M”. Tina said “ahh yeah… I think she’s single? should I ask?”. I demurred — I was here on business. Tina laughed about that. But, she knew to make sure M was on the first HeadsickPinups interview I did, and I found out — on the air — that M was engaged.

I made a remark in an email to the owner of Headsick about how unbelievably gorgeous M was, and I didn’t know how anyone could resist her if she wasn’t already taken. Apparently, he didn’t care for keeping secrets and told M about that (or, frankly, probably just forwarded her the message). M then went on to make a particularly salacious comment on my MySpace wall, inspiring me to message her and ask, basically, “WTF?”. There’s a lot more to the story — like the “engagement” being little more than a business decision — but I spent the next 3.5 years of my life with M. Another story (err.. 100 stories, at least), another time.

All hail Tina. Bringer of hot chicks. Consummate professional. Great friend, best wing-woman ever.