I got an email from Bed Bath & Beyond – cause I live alone AND I like coupons – telling me they’re adding a “new member of the Bed Bath & Beyond family” in my neighborhood. Which is really overdoing it, cause there’s already one just 3 blocks away. I don’t need THAT many BB&Bs in my ‘hood, guys. I’m good.

But, wait! This isn’t a BB&B. This is a BABY stuff store. Stuff for babies. Stuff people who have babies might wanna give to their baby or use on their baby or put on top of their baby and laugh at. Or whatever you do with babies. I’ve never understood how they work.

I don’t have any babies. I don’t bring all this up to complain that BB&B is suggesting things I don’t need. It’d be far creepier if they DID know I didn’t have a baby.

“Our records indicate that you’ve never gotten anyone pregnant.

  [ … ]

I fucking loved it. I thought it was his best show yet – because it showed him being more comfortable with concepts instead of bits.

What it reminded me of is Bill Cosby’s “Himself”. Makes me think he recently went back and re-watched that special. And thought “yeah.. I like that vibe. I wanna try that vibe for awhile”. Maybe not literally – but he at least had a similar mindset, that his audience was attentive enough to handle it and he was comfortable enough to explore it. It seems to be no accident that he’s mentioned “Himself” a few times in recent interviews.

When you’re a younger comic, you have to think in 10 minute increments (or less). At the level Louis is at, he does 30+ minutes as a drop-in set at the Improv, and performs 60+ minutes at huge theatres several times a month.

If you took any one of those chunks out of this special and threw it into a standard 8-10 minute act, it would fall flat without context of the person performing it and the material that surrounded it.  [ … ]


My Unified Theory of Everyone breaks down into three personalities :

Type 1

I’m fine with myself, and I’ll take everyone as they come. I’m open to new friends, but I don’t need to be friends with everyone. I’ll act like myself in public and try not to make anyone uncomfortable, and reveal the parts of myself I feel comfortable with revealing.

Type 2

For some reason, people don’t like me or don’t like talking to me. I have few, if any, friends. I’d love to meet new people, so I’ll welcome any and all offers because I’d love to be in a position where I can turn people away. As it stands, I feel like a weirdo/creep/freak and I’m alone far more often than I’m comfortable with. I will downplay as much of the undesirable personality traits I have so more people will want to approach me and/or spend time with me.

  [ … ]

I’m really fuckin’ tickled pink when I read shit like this. George Rekers, especially, is the perfect person to get caught up in a gay prostitution scandal. It’s not the first time, of course, but.. ohhh how deep the rabbit hole goes.

What I love about stories of hypocrisy from hate-mongers, gay-bashers, cross-bearers and the general stench of their associated ilk is just how fucking obvious the whole thing is. Every time another of these scandals pops up, “thou dost protest too much” rings like a church bell through the nation. I hope it continues on. In droves. Just an overwhelming outing of every hair-brained shitcock who stands at the ready of a podium, shouting hateful jargon and belittling innocent people for their lifestyles. That’s what I want.

If this trend continues, it goes towards the most glorious of paths : simply being hateful will come to mean you secretly love it in your private life.  [ … ]


My friend Des, of the wonderful (and updated way-more-often-than-mine-and-therefore-much-better-than-mine) blog The Boobs had an entry up recently that took on Fashion No-No’s. I have to say, I was pretty shocked to see her mention cargo pants. Frankly, I didn’t think anyone even noticed cargo pants, much less had the time to hate on them. But, alas…

Cargo Pants are only excusable at age 12 when no one else cared that you look like a little prick with too many pockets.

WHAT? Oh no you DI-INT.. that shit ain’t gonna fly here in the Mitczosphere. Cargo pants are the greatest item of clothing ever made. Allow me to present my case.

1. Functionality

I’m more of a function-over-form guy, myself. This might sound at odds with my being an avid user of many Apple products, but that’s another rant for another day (and frankly, I could give a shit what OS you use) – so I’m not altogether concerned with the fashion sense of cargo pants.  [ … ]


My standard response (to anyone outside of my close friend circle) when I get the oft-asked question about plans for various projects has always been “I don’t discuss upcoming projects until I feel confident that I’m finishing it soon”.

However, as I actually have quite a shitload of things on my plate this year, I thought it might be a good idea to make them public so people can hold me to it. A brief rant about stand-up comedy follows.

What I’m Doing This Year (hopefully)

  • Finish Grab Your Crotch and Roar
  • Record my debut comedy album (more info below)
  • Launch setl.it
  • Change the Mitcz : The Expert format a little bit and do it more often
  • Release the iPhone game I’ve been working on

Why is that shit not done already?

I have a whole piece prepared about the difficulties of writing and ultimately finishing the book. The long-and-short of it is threefold : 1.  [ … ]


So, Google turned off the China faucet. They just weren’t digging the overwhelming censorship over there. I appreciate that they think not bending to government-sponsored censorship is more important than making a buck, but it’s a complex issue – for instance, researchers in China loved Google and are worried about how easily they’ll be able to access all the things Google’s search brought them to.

Anyway, the point of this post is to look over China’s response to Google. The wording is.. a little murky. So, I’m providing a translaton.

BEIJING, March 21 (Xinhua) — From groundlessly accusing the Chinese government of supporting hacker attacks against it

Google figured out we were trying to keep them from skirting our intense censorship laws.

..to pushing China abandon the legal regulations on the Internet by threatening to withdraw from the Chinese market, many facts have shown that Google is politicalizing itself.

  [ … ]

So, the mythical Jesus Tablet has finally been announced and revealed. My initial impression was lackluster. As the presentation grew on, it started to make more sense. Once the pricing was revealed? Ohman. They took it. Apple just killed the Kindle. Why would you buy Amazon’s $500 9.7″ black-and-white-just-a-reader when, for the same price, you get a full-color, touchscreen, multi-capable almost-laptop? Sure, there’s still the $250 Kindle, but .. again, why bother? Why be so crippled and limited?

Personally, I want the Kindle to fail. Amazon’s taking SEVENTY FUCKING PERCENT of the price on e-books and magazines. That’s just insane and fucking wrong. Sure, they’re providing the platform – but since the entirety of the platform depends on the content you consume with it, they’re cannibalizing their entire market. Also, the average price for Kindle books is $10. For Apple’s iBooks store? $5. Bam! G’night, Amazon.

Why it’s a game changer

Right off the bat – forget e-book readers.  [ … ]


One of my favorite bloggers and cartoonists (Scott Adams, of Dilbert fame) once asked “how the fuck do you explain the popularity of horror movies?“. I sat on this article for awhile, and realized I never finished it, so I’m doing that now. I will not only answer his question, but give some pretty elaborate examples behind my reasoning. I realize this is better as a Halloween post and not a damn-near-the-holidays post, but to hell with conventions.

As I see it, the love for horror movies boils down to one or more of the following :

  1. We love/relate to the hero(es)
  2. We love/relate to the villain(s)
  3. We just want a demented laugh
  4. We just want a good scare
  5. We like being fucked with

Breaking that down, I’ll explain each reason and give examples where it’s been done well.

We love/relate to the main character(s)

I originally wanted to say “protagonist(s)” instead of “hero(es)”, but the “heroes” are rarely protagonists in horror films (and, frankly, rarely heroic – but let’s just go with it).  [ … ]


Been meaning to write about this for awhile, and I’m going to try and keep this short but I will likely fail. I promise, however, to make it as entertaining and enlightening as possible.

I’m not breaking any new ground by saying the music industry has seen some pretty rough times as of late, I know. I’m also not breaking any new ground by saying “today’s music-buying public doesn’t pay attention to the radio or MTV”. But, therein lies what I’m getting at. WHY don’t people pay attention to new music avenues? My argument : because there ISN’T one worth paying attention to in the first place.

Radio, Radio, Go Away

I stopped listening to the radio around 2002, when I had a car stereo installed with an MP3-CD player. MP3-CDs can hold about 100 songs, which was more than enough to hold me over from point A to point B.  [ … ]

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