Childhood Stories

Stories that took place when I was younger than 13 yrs old. There are 21 stories so far
You Cannot Fly With Plastic Wings
2015
APR
9

You Cannot Fly With Plastic Wings

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
They say with every failure comes a lesson. I've learned a lot of lessons. Some of them more than once. I'm a self-learning kind of person. I've taught myself, through many years of trial and error, how to do all sorts of things that require actual schooling and degrees to learn properly. I don't let "having no fucking clue about something" hold me back from just going for it, provided that ...
The Best Easter Ever
2015
APR
6

The Best Easter Ever

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 3 minutes
I must have been about 8 years old. It was the night before Easter Sunday and my sister and I were watching The Tale of The Bunny Picnic. It's important to note that my mom loved holidays. Christmas was her fuckin' jam, but she got excited about all holidays. She'd even make little leprechaun dolls for St Patty's Day. So, Easter was kind of a big deal around our house. We ...
The “Dude” Family
2015
MAR
26

The “Dude” Family

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
It's apparently common for children to have imaginary friends, and I recall thinking my doll Koos-Koos  could hear me, but up until around 11 years old, I also had an entire imaginary family. They were the Dude family. To be a little more clear - it was actually just me who was the entirety of the Dude family. (this whole story is making me sweat with embarrassment cause I've never talked about this before, but ...
An Origin Story, of sorts (Part 3)
2015
MAR
17

An Origin Story, of sorts (Part 3)

Filed Under : Childhood Stories, Serial Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
(if you missed Part 1, and/or Part 2, you're gonna be lost) I decided it was time to drop this sports charade. I wasn't enjoying it, I wasn't any good at it, and I was pretty sure I was off the hook with the principal anyway. Over the course of the school year, I was growing my hair out, dressing a little more "who gives a fuck", and trying ...
An Origin Story, of sorts (Part 2)
2015
MAR
16

An Origin Story, of sorts (Part 2)

Filed Under : Childhood Stories, Serial Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
(If you didn't read Part 1, you're gonna be lost) After the weird shove-match-punch experience, it was still relatively light out and I figured Alan and The Dicks wouldn't be going to the clubhouse so quickly. I grabbed my bike and rode over there, just to see if maybe there was anything in there I could use to fuck them over. When I walked up to the apartment, I could ...
An Origin Story, of sorts (Part 1)
2015
MAR
15

An Origin Story, of sorts (Part 1)

Filed Under : Childhood Stories, Serial Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
I told this story to some friends on my birthday a few years back, and they still reference it as my "origin story". They seem to think this is how I became who I am today. While I don't think that's necessarily true, I s'pose it has some merit. As our story begins, this is basically what I looked like (about 8 months before this story takes place)...
Quit While You’re Ahead, Kid
2015
MAR
10

Quit While You’re Ahead, Kid

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 4 minutes
It was the summer between 7th and 8th grade, I was friends with this lunatic of a person - Ed. He'll feature in quite a few stories I'll tell, but this one is short enough to tell in one piece. One day, Ed and I were dropped off by his mom near a series of stripmalls in Phoenix , for reasons I don't recall. There was a video store nearby, and Ed ...
Yellin’ Into Yarn Bins
2015
MAR
5

Yellin’ Into Yarn Bins

Filed Under : Childhood Stories  |  Est. Reading Time : 2 minutes
I don't know where I got the idea. I don't remember when I started. I don't remember when I stopped. But, of all the weird things I did as a kid, this one still stands out in the Top 5. My mother, being the artsy & craftsy lady she was, would drag me (and sometimes my sister) along with her to Michael's (the arts & crafts store, not some fella ...
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