My 2018 Predictions Reviewed

Filed under : Updates

Est. Reading Time 6 minutes

I did this in 2015, 2016, and 2017 because I’m fully okay with showing how wrong I can be (and, mostly, because it’s a fucking hoot), so I’m doing it again this year.

I’m going to review my predictions from last year, rate them by accuracy (aside from obvious joke predictions), and you can find my 2019 predictions by looking out for #mitczpredicts2019 on Twitter or just by just clicking here (if you’re reading this before Dec 31, 2018 then you won’t see anything yet but the tweets are scheduled for 12pm Noon PST so you can just refresh that later).

2018 was an interesting year for me and many people I know, but I’m curious how I did overall in my predictions.

So then, onto the #mitczpredicts2018 tweets

STATUS : IMPOSSIBLE TO DETERMINE

I mean… are you smiling right now? Did you NOT FUCKING DRINK AND DRIVE?

STATUS : SUCCESS

Okay, this was easy to predict. Everything’s been on fire politically since November 2016, and then turned into a raging inferno that’s been burning wildly since January 2017. Some had a glimmer of hope that maaaaaybe in 2018 things would settle down, but I personally had zero such hope for that happening.

STATUS : JOKE TWEET

Weirdly, I don’t even think I did this. And I had planned on doing that. Well, there’s always 2019!

STATUS : SUCCESS

Another easy prediction. If you’re saying “well, that doesn’t apply to me”, did you miss all of this?

STATUS : SUCCESS

Yeah, I grew basil. In my bedroom. And I used it in my Friendsgiving cooking. So, ha! Take that, other resolutions!

STATUS : JOKE TWEET

I’ve used the hell out of the expanded characters, to the surprise of literally no one who knows me.

STATUS : SUCCESS

I meeean… there’s a lot to choose from. Dan Harmon. Or Morgan Freeman. Or Chris Hardwick. Or James Franco.  I could make a list, but Vox has done all the hard work for me.

STATUS : SUCCESS

Just with iPhone XR, iPhone XS, iPhone XS Max lineup, it’s confusing as shit. Full disclosure : I have the XS Max. I didn’t really wanna cross-grade from iPhone 8+ to XR, mostly cause I was so confused what the XR actually was. And, yes, there was plenty of articles asking if Steve Jobs would’ve approved.

STATUS : SUCCESS

I made joke tweets this year! For over a month I made daily Fitness Journal tweets. And, look, here’s one from earlier just this month. And another one! You might not have laughed, but c’mon… that’s funny. I tried!

STATUS : JOKE TWEET

I meeeean… every once in awhile you DO see a nipple on those posts. But, I was mostly poking fun at the idea of using a hashtag that screams “report this to IG”.

STATUS : SUCCESS

You don’t have to love ’em, but they’re both up for a Grammy. So, I’m calling this a win.

STATUS : SUCCESS

I mean, the tweet literally asks for nudes within it. Soooo… yeah. Easy win. Plus! I got quite a few nudes in the DMs or my email inbox (which *ahem* remains open for such business) within about a week of this tweet.

STATUS : MOSTLY FAILURE

Weirdly, I don’t think I had a single conversation about fidget spinners all year long. Maybe you did, but I’m not counting this one as a win. It is a bit weird that they disappeared without a trace and we just… never talked about ’em again for some reason.

STATUS : FAILURE SUCCESS

I had a surprisingly monogamous year. Like, I was literally monogamous for the better part of the year between April and December. Some of my friends thought I’d lost my mind (some of them were kinda right). So I managed to rack up only 3 this year. Since the time this was posted, but still before Jan 1, 2019, I managed to reach my goal of 4.

STATUS : UNDETERMINED

I genuinely don’t remember, and there’s little chance anyone I know does either. I probably did, but I can’t say for sure so I’m gonna have to call this “Undetermined”.

STATUS : SUCCESS

This was an easy one. The Good Place hasn’t had a bad episode yet. If you’re not watching it, I don’t know what you’re doing with your life but you should fix that immediately. It’s SO GOOD.

STATUS : FAILURE

I did not move back to Hollywood.

STATUS : FAILURE

I got close! During my fitness challenge with my roommate, I quit for long stretches. 2-3 weeks at a time, but the challenge ran from June 1st to September 1st and there were a lot of parties. Plus some stress, a breakup, some drama, and quite a few other things that make a person reach for a bottle.

STATUS : SUCCESS

This was an easy call. I didn’t see this one, but since it’s the only SW Movie post-Lucas to not be Certified Fresh (click the “Movies” tab to see a breakdown), I’ll call that a win.

STATUS : SUCCESS

I mean, hell, Cohen flipped! I didn’t see that one coming. Paul Manafort, Cohen, Flynn. I nailed this one, but – yes – an EASY, easy win.

STATUS : SUCCESS

Yes! Stoya & I launched ZeroSpaces.com and it’s glorious and you should buy all of the porn on there. All of it. Right now. Why are you even reading this? Go buy the porn, then come back.

FINAL SCORE…

SUCCESS : 13
FAILURE : 3
UNDETERMINED / JUST A JOKE : 5

A new record! What am I, Nostrafuckingdamus over here? I have a feeling I’m not gonna top this next year or… ever. I really had my finger on the pulse of 2018. Make sure you’re following me on Twitter to find out what 2019 has in store and be safe out there, kids. I love ya, and I wanna see you back here in 2019!