My 2019 Predictions Reviewed

Filed under : Updates

Est. Reading Time 9 minutes

I did this in 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018 because I’m fully okay with showing how wrong I can be (and, mostly, because it’s a fucking hoot), so I’m doing it again this year.

I’m going to review my predictions from last year, rate them by accuracy (aside from obvious joke predictions), and you can find my 2020 predictions by looking out for #mitczpredicts2020 on Twitter or just by just clicking here to see the #mitczpredicts2020 thread.

2019 held quite a few major life events for me (moving out of my old house, my father dying, a few other things) but let’s see how these predictions held up…

So then, onto the #mitczpredicts2019 tweets

STATUS : SUCCESS

I live alone now. So, there. One down, let’s move on.

STATUS : MOSTLY FAILURE

Okay, they didn’t shut down or reverse their porn stance. But, having been bought by Yahoo in 2013 for $1.1 Billion (because I’m still certain Yahoo is some kind of international money laundering front who has failed to ever buy a company and have success with it) – they recently sold to Automattic (makers of WordPress) for, by some reports, as little as $3 Million. That means my prediction was wrong, yes, but also : they’re worth a rounding error of their former valuation.

STATUS : MOSTLY SUCCESS

Are you thinking “wait, WTF is pillowfort.io?”. Exactly. Okay, okay, so I don’t recall anyone actually trying to make it a thing, but I’m sure some people were.

STATUS : SUCCESS

I’m just sayin’ single moms dig dudes in their 40s with a car, a job, and a clean apartment.

STATUS : SUCCESS

Private-Viewing-Session titties exceeded my 2018 projections.

STATUS : SUCCESS

At least 3 people who follow me, and perhaps saw that tweet, did in fact DM or email me n00ds.

STATUS : SUCCESS

This was an easy thing to avoid. Can’t really say I had offers, but I’ve been far more honest and open with my partners about my solo-poly / ENM lifestyle than ever before and it’s made all of my relationships better for it.

STATUS : KINDA?

All I did was hold the door for him, but Kevin Costner and I walked into the same hotel lobby earlier this year. That was kinda neat. Also, Flavor Flav cut in front of me at the gate on our flight from LAX to NYC. I did not try to bother or talk to him in any way, however.

STATUS : FAILURE

Technically, this is a joke tweet. But I’m killin’ these predictions so far, so let’s put this in the failure column. UNDERBOOB MONDAYS 2020!

STATUS : SUCCESS

This a two-parter. And I was right about both. That said, predicting that fucking orange idiot would make shitty comments on twitter about people who are running against him is like predicting rainfall in Seattle.

STATUS : SUCCESS

I attended at least 3, myself. Ah, it’s good to be back.

STATUS : FAILURE

I was slated to do this, but there was some in-fighting and they decided on a neutral party. That said, over the holidays my now-adult niece said if she ever decides to get married, I should be the one to officiate it. So, that’ll be neat.

STATUS : FAILURE

Okay, I just like to root for my friends sometimes. Sue me.

STATUS : SUCCESS

Surely you know they decided not to fact-check political ads, right? If that isn’t enough for you, I guarantee you could google “facebook controversy 2019” and find something else they did that you’re not happy about and you’re still keeping that account open. I am, too, because it’s still the only way to invite or be invited to things most of the time. Otherwise, I don’t use it at all, and I wish I could leave it behind.

STATUS : FAILURE

Twitter didn’t get much hate this year. And, despite reports they might remove the “love” button, they never did. Weirdly, Instagram hid the likes instead. That said, Twitter at least had the fucking spinal cord to disable ALL political ads.

STATUS : UNDETERMINED

I heard a few little remarks here and there, but by and large I think most people decided we have bigger fish to fry than talk about this again. I mean, except for John Legend’s remake, but even that barely made a blip on the radar.

STATUS : JOKE TWEET

I just like reminding people about the whole Batkid thing.

STATUS : SUCCESS

What, you didn’t like : Albert Finney, Bob “Super Dave Osborne” Einstein, Carol Channing, Keith Flint (of the band Prodigy), Luke Perry, Peter (Chewbacca) Mayhew, Grumpy Cat, Doris Day, Rutger Hauer, Rip Torn, Ric Ocasek (of The Cars), John Witherspoon, or anyone on this list? I know, this was a little too easy to predict.

STATUS : FAILURE, I THINK?

When she does something particularly egregious, I hear about it (mostly from watching Philly D on YouTube). But otherwise I don’t really pay attention to her, so probably this didn’t happen? Maybe? I think nothing happened.

STATUS : FAILURE

They did not announce a US Tour. It’s funny looking back on these things a year later, I don’t think I heard a single whisper about them at all this year but a year ago today there was a lot of buzz. Did their limited UK tour do well? I can’t imagine it did poorly, but either it’s a lot of work to get them stateside, or it underperformed.

STATUS : SUCCESS

He always gets sexier. And I have finally worked out my own method for a Jeff Goldblum impression, and – yes – I have used it in an attempt to make women think I was sexier. And, yes, it usually works.

STATUS : FAILURE

I’m very glad I was wrong on this one. But, y’know, I figured… play the odds and be the only one who called it.

STATUS : JOKE TWEET

Tinder remains a weird way to play the lottery with your dating life. But I, for one, still enjoy it.

STATUS : FAILURE

Hey, look, I lived another year. Suck it, 2018 Mitcz!

STATUS : FAILURE

The lowest their aggregate showed for 2019 was high-30s. But he’s still a giant pile of shit that also uses fake poll data to massage his extremely fragile ego.

STATUS : UNDETERMINED

Did you, though? You should. C’mon, you only live once. FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD! REGRET NOTHING!

STATUS : FAILURE

I did not. I think I should, though. Maybe I’ll figure out my complicated feelings about my recently-deceased father and why I still haven’t cried about him. I do miss him, though.

STATUS : FAILURE

Again, I did not. One of the doctors I saw in 2018 suggested maybe this was something that I’d need to do. My primary physician said that doctor was clearly a little too scalpel-happy, so this did not come to pass.

STATUS : SUCCESS

Fuck yeah, man. We released 002 : SENSE and 003 : EXPLORE in 2019. Just wait til you see what happens in 2020.

STATUS : SUCCESS

Look, I don’t know what you did with this year. But you are alive to read this, so a winner is me here.

STATUS : SUCCESS

Even though this was the first prediction tweet, I saved it for last to avoid spoilers. I nailed 2018, but I think made too many weird predictions for 2019. Still, I’m glad I was wrong about the worst Jeff Goldblum prediction.

FINAL SCORE…

SUCCESS : 14
FAILURE : 12
UNDETERMINED / JUST A JOKE : 5

Well… almost 50/50 there. I slung enough shit something was bound to stick. Anyway, make sure you’re following me on Twitter to find out what 2020 has in store and be safe out there, kids. I love ya, and I wanna see you back here in 2020!